Reflection 3

The next drawing followed the Removal of Limitations algorithm and similar steps that I used for the first drawing. I started with dumping my catharsis onto a page and continuing into rounding, connecting, unifying, coloring, identifying energetic lines crossing the page, etc., etc. There’s so much more to this method that I am not even touching upon that I would encourage you to learn each step correctly and why it’s necessary. Talk to the excellent teachers at NG’s English-language website here in the US.

This drawing felt great right from the start, I could really feel the flow of energy and creativity throughout my body.

On the heels of this positive energy came incredible insights and emotional connections in the body and mind that I never experienced before. As energy flowed, I felt energized and empowered. It felt like I am in charge of my reality, or more precisely, how I perceive this reality. Most of the time life happens to me and I react in a knee-jerk fashion; sad, happy, angry. Most input produces a familiar pattern of thoughts and feelings that are repeated in the body over and over. So if I see Trump on TV, I feel anger without even seemingly being conscious of how it happens. However, it became clear to me that this reactive pattern of thoughts and feelings does not have to be the default response. The only reason it is the default is that it’s habitual. But why do bad habits need to define us? We do we let them?

For example, I noticed that I often got angry with my ex-GF when she mentioned her previous relationships. I got especially upset with one specific person named B., who she said she particularly enjoyed. The very mention of B threw me into a buzzing rage, and I was immediately livid at her for throwing this into my face. But, come to think of it, I never met B. I have only the vaguest idea of what happened in their relationship. Everything that throws me into a white rage is the stuff that I dreamed up about the person and the situation. I’ve created this boogeyman B., who exists entirely in my mind, it’s just an idea. Yet every time she mentions his name, I habitually re-create this idea and then get angry at it, all inside my head. I am responsible for all of the anger that gets created here. Sure, my ex-GF could have chosen to be more careful with her words, but it’s still entirely up to me to buy into the illusion and bring it to life. This particular insight is what came up as I was working on drawing three. We are entirely complicit in the anger that we create. It’s a choice, even when it feels like it’s not. I saw very clearly that I need to take responsibility for my emotions instead of blaming any other person or event. Without taking ownership of what’s happening in my body, I will never be able to manage my anger.

Drawing is finished, on to the next one.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s